Amelia Patterson

Amelia is a tribute to the efficacy of the LCPS regime – i.e. six years of it have driven her mental.

While still at primary school, 10-year-old Amelia registered off the scale in intelligence tests, which naturally caused concern to her parents, who decided boarding school was just the thing ‘to make her more normal’.

The bracing LCPS environment soon cured Amelia of her inappropriate behaviour, though the glazed politeness, interspersed with twitching and a thousand-yard stare, which replaced it might have been considered disturbing in another context. However, once assured by the state psychologist that this was merely character-building in action, Amelia’s loving parents consigned her to the permanent care of the LCPS and went back to indulging their own neuroses without the distraction of offspring.

While Amelia manifests the famed ‘psychotic’ aspects of LCPS life a little more fundamentally than most, her intellect has not been entirely disrupted by her developing eccentricities. She is a valued member of Old School, on the strength of her strong loyalty and moral sense, coupled with considerable abilities in the scheming and plotting department. When necessary, she is capable of ruthless action – unless distracted by ‘ the poor chickens’ climbing the school walls, or other phenomena which she alone seems to be able to see.

Unfortunately, if inevitably, Amelia’s oddities have been known to attract cruelty from rival gangs and unsympathetic teachers. While she endeavours to maintain the stoic impassivity favoured by Old School, there are dark rumours about her ‘outbreaks’ and the school restraint equipment. But what else can you expect at the LCPS…

Badge colour: yellow

ALL LCPS STUDENTS ARE OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE