John Hastable, otherwise known as Cook.

John Hastable was born in London and sent to a series of obscure country public schools, the last of which he was still attending when his parents went spectacularly broke, forcing him to abandon his A-levels and take up a place in the kitchens. There he remained until the official abolition of corporal punishment, an event which so disgusted him that he resigned. This defiant act stood him in excellent stead when he applied for the position of cook at the then newly formed London Corporal Punishment School and he has been there ever since.

Hastable is a large man of cheerful if somewhat lewd disposition, much given to drinking, gambling, bonhomie, and making the girls show their knickers in return for extra portions, being let off eating over-boiled cabbage, or whatever else seems a good excuse. He is also likely to spank any girl he can catch, and is not particularly concerned whether they deserve it or not. Boys are treated in a friendly fashion so long as they don’t annoy him. At twenty-stone and usually armed with a three foot long wooden stirring paddle, he is not a man to cheek lightly. On the other hand he is an excellent man to hide behind if beset by bullies, partly because he is sure to take your side and partly because they will no longer be able to see you.

The gangs are familiar to Hastable and he is rumoured to be involved in some of the rackets. He regards Old School as "real" pupils and accords them only slightly less respect than he does the teaching staff. New School are plainly sluts and urchins, to be treated accordingly, Punk the same only more so. Sharp Set he regards as comic but attractive, Blue Brigade as plain comic, while the Heavies are common but nevertheless worthy of respect.

Badge Colour – Yellow – You can try. See what happens.

NB Hastable is a school-servant, and should therefore be addressed as follows –

By Staff – John

By Old School pupils - Hastable

By other pupils – Mr Hastable

By anybody who wants to argue with a three-foot stirring paddle – anything else.