From the office of The President; General Communiqué – July 2010

The Boat was wonderful; a really top-class evening, and most people did know that we were at St Katharine’s Pier, and that they had to be on board by 9pm.

There will be a party to celebrate the President’s Birthday on Sunday 1^st of August from 3pm until midnight (or thereabouts), and if you would like to come, please email for the co-ordinates.

You can now join the Firm’s Facebook Group at http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=824589&op=1&view=all&subj=100000671926839&id=1485844242#!/group.php?gid=108767469164841

It looks like we will be moving to East Dulwich in September; we are going to need to find some space to store some Firm properties such as school desks, a blackboard and four corner posts from a boxing ring; if anyone would like to have the temporary use of these, please do let me know. Ditto, if anyone is interested in driving from Enfield to Stoke with a bunch of stuff and me, I’d be very interested in that too.

According to rumour on IC, there is a governing SM body, and it is actually illegal to switch; that’s right, you can be sent to prison for it. If you want this disgraceful abuse of power to continue, then all well and good, but if you want to stop it, please help us find out who these law-makers are, and then we will declare war on them. That’s right; we will start a civil war on The Scene over the right to switch; providing we can find someone that actually says it’s not allowed, we will prosecute a war on your behalf that will tear The Scene apart. Alternatively, we could all simply all agree to get along with each other (especially since the Switch people are in the majority).

www.principaltheatrecompany.com are performing two fantastic Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew and Macbeth at Coram’s Fields from Thursday 2^nd July – Saturday 7^th August; Ginny and I saw Mac last week and it really is a great production (we didn’t see Shrew cos neither of us like the story, but we read that it’s very good, if you do like it). So go and see them.

Until the really stupid Go Compare adverts are cancelled, no employees of Go Compare are welcome at any Firm events.

Tiger Woods appears to be making a show of repentance; ‘I must become a better person’ he said. Now that Tiger has shown the way, we demand that every tabloid journalist take a morality test, allowing full access into their personal lives. Any hack that has ever taken an illegal drug, or had extramarital sex, or got drunk should be expelled from journalism and made to work in a salt mine.

Following England’s defeat in the World Cup, The Sun has been calling for the resignation of Fabio Capello, citing the fact that he is Italian (but really because he told the paparazzi to fuck off away from the dressing room windows); we concur, but on one condition: If a tabloid newspaper is now presuming to dictate the prosecution of our national football we demand that Rupert Murdoch takes Capello’s place, and names his squad from the editorial staff of The Sun. Come on Rupert, lets see you and your minions show us how it should be done; let’s see how you stand up to the Germans; just one thing, if you don’t happen to bring home the trophy in 2014, we will treat you in the way that you seem to want us to treat our team now; you will be led through London at the cart tail while being pelted with rotting refuse, then all of you will be brutally whipped in Trafalgar Square, and it will be nationally televised, and afterwards you will be followed home by a jeering mob – because that is your way.