The Firm


We probably do not have any Drum n Bass, House, Jungle, Garage, Loungecore, Techno, Trance, Trip-hop or Hip-hop for you to listen to. Or any Andy Williams, Kenny Rogers, or anything that could be termed ‘A Summertime Hit’. If you bring any of the above on CD, we might play the odd track, but don’t think you’re going to convert us away from the true path.

We promote SM events. In order to do SM safely, you need to be able to hear not only yourself think, but also your partner scream. And we like to talk, sometimes sensibly, enjoying such stuff as irony and nuance, which are often lost when the decibels rise much above deafening.

We are not making this decision in ignorance. Over fifteen years we have heard so much music that we actively despise, and so many refusals to play anything we like, that now we’re running clubs of our own, we feel that the decision of what gets played really is ours. We appreciate that being in our forties, we are old and out of touch. However, we also point out that at one time Heavy Rock, Punk and New Romantic were considered not merely vogue, but positively cool and sexy: people not only danced to them, they scored to them and fucked to them. There are youngsters taking their first steps onto The Scene even now who are the results of unplanned pregnancies for which Lemmy, Richie Blackmore and Sid Vicious are at least partly responsible.

Moreover, we must point out that real talent in a rock star is expressed in how many hotel rooms one has trashed, how many swimming pools one has pushed pianos into, and how young one dies. Sitting all day in a partially darkened bedroom, making funny noises with your computer, and ripping off other people’s entire product, before your mum calls you down for your tea really doesn’t cut the mustard. Nor does deciding whether you’re still married to Patsy Kensit, and grunting obscenities at Terry Wogan. Real rock stars beat him up. (OK, actually it was Russell Harty, but it should have been Wogan.)

We know that our friends at Submission and Torture Garden will and do play all kinds of sound for those who value music above SM, and we cannot blame them; we no more want everybody to like Blue Öyster Cult than we want everyone to like SM. That’s just what we like, and both are actually quite nice.

In our day, one did not need drugs to understand what music was about. Except for Hawkwind and Led Zeppelin.